When I pretended to be asleep, my toddler showed me her joy

I have mentioned before that we bed share and I have made it no apologies for doing so. It’s not only a part of our natural and peaceful parenting approach, but we genuinely love it. It is time spent with my daughter that is precious and time that I could otherwise not get back. However, in two years of bed sharing, I have never quite experience anything like one night when I pretended to be asleep. (This post was written on 11/23/14 prior to my second daughter’s birth).

When my husband is trying to get her to go down, he often pretends to snore in hopes that she will throw in the towel, snuggle up, and fall asleep. Therefore it was something I thought I would try. So when bed time rolled around one evening, she went through her bedtime routine of getting a nighttime diaper, brushing her teeth with dad, turning on her Cloud B turtle, turning off the light, and then getting breastmilk. Once done, she was still wide awake. I had things to do and had planned on watching a movie with her dad. So to hopefully speed up the process, I pretended to be asleep.

But what she did surprised me.

She did not just plop down; she interacted with me. And as she continued to try to gain my attention, but realized I was “asleep”, she didn’t stop, she just got cuter.

At first, she would whisper “Momma, wake up. Momma, I love you.” Then she would lie still next to me singing a little tune to herself and she would act like she was talking to me, telling me that she liked to sing and that she liked listening to me sing.

She picked up my hands and even had me sign bike in ASL, whispering “Momma ride the bike” as she did it. She giggled, clapped, and made my hands clap. She shook my hand and sweetly said “nice to meet you mommy”. And it continued…

Eventually she climbed over me and she gentle touched me face. She put her hand on my cheek and let me know she loved me. She took her fingers and gently whispered “eyebrows, momma’s nose, her lips…” And then she giggled. She patted my baby belly and said her soon-to-be little sister’s name. She nuzzled me and cuddled me and loved on me.

All those things I have always done to her while she sleeps she was doing to me. It must be innate in us to exude so much love on those around us when they sleep. As I ponder, contemplate, and hold dear all the things she did while I pretended to be asleep, I realized just how beautiful motherhood is. I realized how beautiful human nature is. And I realized in those quiet, peaceful moments that the little things are what mean the most.

For more than thirty minutes my sweet girl opened up and let me see a new glimpse of her soul.  The very human part. The very compassionate part. The very content and joyful part. It was if she was validating me for the experiences she has on a daily basis and she didn’t even know she was doing it. It those moments I realized I was a good mother. I was teaching her, I was engaging her, and most of all I was loving her… and she noticed them all. So for thirty minutes she gave me a memory that will last a lifetime and for thirty minutes she showed me a love that I would have never known all because I took the time to lay still and listen.

More on stories from motherhood

It took 22 months to love my daughter
Being a Stay at Home mom is NOT rewarding
My Home Birth Story

Kara Carrero

Kara is an author and advocate for positive, grace-filled parenting. She is homeschooler to her 6 children living on a farm in New England. She believes in creative educational approaches to help kids dive deeper into a rich learning experience and has her degree in Secondary Education & Adolescent Childhood Development. She is passionate about connecting with and helping other parents on their journey to raise awesome kids!