Author’s note: this piece was written in 2014 when I was the mom of an only child and when I was receiving many comments about how I did not know what it was really like to be a mom until I had more. Now the mom of four children, I still fully stand behind what is written!
While I am still waiting for number two to make her debut, it is on my heart to speak to mothers from a very real place in my life right now. If you are like me and only have one child and maybe you are a family who will only have one child, please let me be the first to say you are not a lesser mom because you “only” have one child. You still have hard days, you still have victories, and you are still a mother and it’s still a hard job!
Our society typically seems to think that having multiple children and managing it all is the mark of super mom. But it doesn’t take six children, dinner on the table every night, and homeschooling them all to be super-mom.
I am so very tired of hearing how difficult it is to have multiple kids.
Because in the end, motherhood truly is hard no matter how many children. There should be no judgment of the woman who has one child who can’t “control” their behavior but pity for the woman with multiple children with one acting up. We should be praising all women, building them up on their journey and supporting them where they are. So this one is for you, mom of one child.
The difficult job of motherhood
Whether a working mom, stay at home mom, or somewhere in between, motherhood never takes a day off. The morning where nothing goes right are the days when we all feel stressed and inadequate. Whether with one kid or 7, the struggles and challenges that each new day brings are no less taxing
Being a first time mom is hard because nothing could have ever prepared you for the job you would take on. The long nights, the cranky days, the days of trouble shooting and trial and error. You have no idea what will work with your kid and you keep hearing a million pieces of advice from seasoned mothers and none of them work. You feel like you’re doing something wrong. You feel like you can’t do anything right. You feel like you should know what’s best for your child and sometimes you just don’t.
Life with a first or only child is all a learning experience. You don’t have other children to know how you did it last time (not that it would necessarily help) and chances are there are days when you don’t feel like you know what you’re doing at all. So yes, mom of one child, your job is just as hard.
“Having one must be easy”
No, not exactly. Having no children was easy. (Well easier). But things still don’t get done, there are tantrums regardless of if I have one, two, three, or more children, and in the end it’s not easy.
Entering into motherhood is the greatest “unknown” I have ever had in my life. There is nothing like it. Preparing for childbirth, making decisions for the first time that i had never considered before, and researching everything for my first child was difficult. Now that we are moving on to number two, I feel like I can relax and calm down just a bit. I am not as concerned about every little detail. BUT every new decision I make with my daughter seems so daunting all because it’s new.
Related: Do you need a family reset? We all do from time to time and here’s how.
I love my child and it is nice to have only one child, but again it’s not easy or cheap. Having children (no matter how many) is an investment of both time and money. I mean, financially, we can pass most everything on from our first to our second, third, fourth… except for food of course. In terms of watching child, older children have more of a set routine and historically children have always been a part of the village that raises other kiddos in their family.
Staying up all night with just one child while they are sick is not easy.
Learning your own parenting style is not easy.
Having any number of children is not easy.
Feeding hungry mouths can be just as hard with one or more.
Transitioning into new, unknown stages is not easy.
Teething and growth spurts are not easy.
Setting a routine is not easy.
So no, mom of an only child, you are not lesser of a mom.
“You are going to have your hands full when you have two”
Wait… I don’t have my hands full now? I walked out of church this past week crying almost as hard as my toddler because nothing I could possibly do was making her happy. My hands are completely full and I am trying to juggle this life just like any other mother out there. And I know you are too!
For those that are planning on having more than one child, it seems like the comments are always about how easy life is with just one, but that number two is going to be a holy terror and make your life miserable. In the end, while every child is different, every family also operates differently. We all learn to adjust to the ebbs and flows of life and adding children is no exception. There are moms that have several children hat can handle their days better than a mom that has one and there are moms of one that understand children better than a mother of six.
And like it’s always said, it’s not necessarily the hands that are full, but the hearts that are. And that applies even to the mom of one who struggles to make it to bed time each and every day.
So again mom of one, you are no lesser of a mom.
Grab your free family positivity download.
In the end, mom of an only child, you are super mom.
You come to the rescue with kisses for scraped knees, words of encouragement in times of failure, and you save the day by picking up and fixing the broken pieces of a favorite toy. You are absolutely not a lesser mom.
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Kara is an author and advocate for positive, grace-filled parenting. She is homeschooler to her 5 children living on a farm in New England. She believes in creative educational approaches to help kids dive deeper into a rich learning experience and has her degree in Secondary Education & Adolescent Childhood Development. She is passionate about connecting with and helping other parents on their journey to raise awesome kids!
Heather G. @ Golden Reflections Blog
Thank you for this. My father in-law always makes the comment that we aren’t real parents until we have two children.
The first four months were anything but fun honestly. She suffered from colic on top of sleepless nights from nursing. Neither of us are quite ready for #2 yet, and my husband honestly isn’t sure he wants another one. I think I would, but not right now. Of course, all of that is up to God.
Again, thank you. 🙂
I am so sorry he makes comments like that Heather! Kids are so so hard and I know that you invest every ounce of yourself in her so you definitely a wonderful mother.
I get why he says those comments. My mother said the same. I had a singleton for nearly 5 1/2 years and yes I was a mom and had struggles but it was a whole new level of crazy when my girls start bickering and arguing. Yes, I chose this and in the end I think it will help them with people skills and conflict resolution but my house was peaceful with one. However, I would never change it now. You and your husband are smart to take your time and decide carefully what your next step is!
I love this…never thought anyone would understand how I feel having only one child..
And yes it’s annoying having ppl to assume “oh it’s easy for u ..u only have one”
They do make me feel less of a mum..
It’s not fair..as I too have my fair share of struggles…
Thank you for writing this..it’s worth to share ..
I absolutely love this post. As a mother of only one me and my own mom have trouble when it comes to this topic. She has 4 and I don’t plan to have any more. While I admire her advice in most situations our parenting techniques can be very different and since she is MY mom having these disagreements can be discouraging so thank you for the uplifting post. I will definitely be sharing 🙂
Thank you Stephanie! Parenting techniques most definitely differ based on the number of children so I can see where that is really rough. I hope that it really did help encourage you and will continue to encourage you on the hard days when and if no one else understands.
Thank you so much for writing this. I always felt like I was nothing compared to other mom’s out there. I am unable to have another child due to I had ovarian cysts and fibriods in my uterus and had a hysterectomy in July of this year. So here we are with one child and you know what? I wouldn’t change it for anything in this world. He is still the most challenging child I’ve ever come across but at the end of the day I always feel happy, and blessed. Yes there are days I feel like saying to people: have a special needs kid and then talk to me. Cuz it ain’t easy. He was extremely colic when he was born and he had some issues after birth. I barely slept for 3 years. But they went by so quickly. But now here we are and he’s 11. It’s true having 1 is just as hard. Thanks again.
I think sometimes as parents we can derive so much joy at the end of the day when we do have the strong-willed, free-spirited, and challenging kiddos. Thanks so much for your comment. Enjoy the years you have with him (and it sounds like you are). Blessings to you and your family!
I too had fibroids in my uterus and had to have a hysterectomy. I have one son and he is a handful, but I’m so thankful for my handful. 🙂
Great post. True from start to end. Best wishes to you on your journey from 1 to 2 Kara – and I agree – we should all praise, celebrate and support families/mothers of one as much as those who have multiple kids. we all have different parenting journeys – as it should be:-) x
Thank you Anna – it will probably be a wild ride going to two, but I am also really cherishing the days of having my daughter and only my daughter. I love that we all have different parenting journeys, life would be boring if everyone was raised exactly the same.
Thanks so much for this – really THANK YOU! I’m a single mama, and who knows if other children are even in the cards for me in the future? I’m mama to one and I know I love/care/worry/think about my 1 just as much as mamas to multiples do. 🙂 We’re all mamas, no matter how many we have.
You are welcome 🙂 Don’t we all worry just a little too much? haha. You are doing a wonderful job being a mother to one and you are right… who knows what the cards hold for you in the future and your focus is in all the right places right now regardless of what anyone else may think or say because motherhood doesn’t actually have a number attached to it.
Thank you for pointing out this very true fact. I have one child, but no one has ever implied that I am a lesser mom because I have one child. I can’t imagine why anyone would think that you have to have 2 children to be a real parent. What kind of mentality is that? I chose to have one child because my heart felt full and happy with my one little guy. I was sure that the longing for another child would eventually come. Well, he’s 7 years old, and I still don’t feel an urge to have another child. I feel complete with my family of 3, and it’s a beautiful feeling!
I LOVE that you said your heart felt full and happy! SO great to love that one child unconditionally and whole-heartedly. It has been crazy for me to encouragement people who have invalidated my own struggles because I did not have more than one and it was really deflating. Putting everything into her every day and still feeling like I was falling shortsome days was something I wanted to talk about, but I always seemed so shut down by parents of multiple kids.
Thank you for this comment! We are happy with our one precious daughter, but people are constantly trying to convince me there’s something wrong with having only one. I was told that you aren’t really a mom until you have at least two. I feel great anxiety when asked how many children I have, because I feel judged the majority of the time. I’m constantly trying to come up with the perfect response to get people off of my back.
Oh, how I LOVE THIS POST!!!!! I am the mother of an only child. I feel lesser than all the time because all my friends have more than one child……and when I struggle, or get tired, or have hard days, I almost feel like I can’t express that because I’m supposed to have it easy with only one. Thank you for sharing this…..I almost cried when I read the last line of your post……Bless you! PLEASE come visit my site!
Oh Dara! You do not have to feel inferior at all because what you go through each day is so real. I am glad that it validated you 🙂 I will check out your blog for sure and follow you. Look forward to connecting more in the future.
I agree whole-heartedly with this article and with Dara, above. I’m mother to a 6 1/2 year old daughter, and though my husband and I have tried for another for years, it just hasn’t been in the cards for us. My daughter has a myriad of complicated health issues. She was in physical therapy for 5 years and we’ve seen countless specialists. And yet, I feel self-conscious commenting on SM about my hard day when friends have multiple children. One or two have said things. Some strangers or acquaintances have even gone so far as to hint that some of my daughter’s medical challenges are due to her being an only child. It’s infuriating. It’s doubly hurtful when you have one, and are striving to raise that one right, while also wanting another child, but are unable. It’s so damaging to a woman’s psyche.
Jennifer Van Pelt
Thank you for writing this post. I love it! It took us 6 long years to get to be parents and finally through adoption have become parents but due to our son’s health issues will probably not adopt any other children. I am happier than I have ever been in my life and you are right, being a mom isn’t always easy, it is hard work and can be heartbreaking (our son has some serious health challenges) but I wouldn’t trade it for ANYTHING!
What a blessing to be able to be his parents and care for him with all the love you have. We definitely pour our hard work, love, and energy into our children regardless of how many, what age, or what struggles.
Anna@The Measured Mom
My mom friends who have “just” one or two kids often feel like they have no right to feel tired/burned out/frustrated when they’re talking to me, since we have five kids. I always tell them that the hardest transition of all, for me, was from 0 to 1 child. I loved my first baby fiercely, but I often felt lonely and bored. Yes, having a house full of noisy kids is exhausting, but when you are the only entertainer without any siblings around to help fill your child’s days, it’s a different kind of exhausting! Our children are all a tremendous blessing, but each of us needs God’s strength and encouragement to find the joys amid the challenges. Thankfully, he provides! I hope things are going well with you with a newborn, Kara!
It is absolutely so sad to see moms with one child feel inferior. My first is such a fire cracker and always has been that the first 6 months with her was alienating in many ways. I think my faith grew stronger just from praying to make it through the day each morning… and of course I always did! And thank you! I am doing wonderful and she is such a wonderful, mellow, blessing.
“Yes, having a house full of noisy kids is exhausting, but when you are the only entertainer without any siblings around to help fill your child’s days, it’s a different kind of exhausting!”
I love this – I say this all the time! We are the parents to an almost 7 year old – and both my husband and I have just always been content with just him – although plans for adoption are in our future at some point.
Being a parent to an only child you really do have to become all things to one person…. Mom, friend, sister, brother… And you are constantly looking for opportunities to expand and challenge the “only child” stereotype. Not to mention consoler of tears when he doesn’t have anyone to play with on the playground.. Despite asking almost every kid to play with him.
There are only so many hours of robots one woman can play 😉
Thank you so much for writing this. I have struggled to find encouraging reading material on this issue. It was discovered that I had placenta accreta after the birth of my first child, and understandably, out of fear, my husband and I decided that we were “one and done” . Ironically, we both come from large families, so that didn’t go over very well. I had little support because, well, unless someone has been through a situation like this, it’s hard to understand.
3 years later we changed our minds and decided to try again. Its been close to a year and we have not conceived. Unlike last time, we decided to keep this decision quiet, so I still get those glances and comments every time my child chooses not to share, etc. I cannot describe how frustrating and hurtful this is. This has definitely shown me that I care too much what others think though.
I currently have five nieces or nephews on the way, so it’s been hard to watch everyone else add to their families but me. I am so grateful that I was able to have even one child, as so many are not even able to at all, but it’s still sad.
I have to remind myself daily that my worth as a mother is not defined by the number of children I have. Adoption has always been a desire for me, but my husband is a little wary of what it would do to me emotionally if things didn’t work out.
Thank you again for sharing.
I can relate all too well! My daughter will be 14 this coming June and most of the snarky comments I get are from her. My husband & I have tried for 12 years to have baby number 2 & only God knows why it hasn’t happened yet. It’s depressing for all of us that we were never able to give her a sibling… I don’t feel like less of a Mom, just less of a woman. Secondary infertility hurts as much as first hand infertility, just in different ways. Thank you for the article, it did lift my spirits some.
I am so glad this popped up on my newsfeed today! It’s nice to know that I am not the only mom of one that gets overwhelmed. I don’t know if anyone has ever said that it’s easier per se, but I have often found myself apologizing to my girlfriend with 4 kids if I complain about being tired or overwhelmed. Our journeys are different and we can both be tired and overwhelmed without the feelings of guilt added to the mix!
Great post and great comments. I also end each day staring at my family of three and feeling like my cup runneth over.
I am so glad it encouraged you and lifted you up. It’s way too easy to apologize to the mom with so many kids because it’s all so overwhelming. I now have a second and to be honest, I found having only one was harder even though the baby is 4 months. They just interact with each other and I think I have relaxed a little too 😉
What a huge blessing to be able to look at your family with such love and know they are just perfect for you. That’s what is absolutely most important. <3
I have one and my house is NOT peaceful, ha. My daughter is now two and she still consumes me, every inch of me. For the 8 weeks I was home I just paced the house bouncing her all day because she cried all day. And she still cries a lot, haha! I do feel like another would occupy her more and that’s what I am told by many mothers. However, I have no desire to go through it all again. NONE. My daughter completes me. I couldn’t ask for anything more or less. She is exactly what I prayed for: wild, funny, determined, strong willed, and hopefully a warrior for God one day. Great article!! I wish I had read this sooner! My life changed dramatically when I became a mother and it still does. I have lost friends, gained friends, gotten all sorts of rude, unhelpful comments. Your back bone gets thick and you start to really narrow your life down to what’s important and then it gets better.
I found you via Pinterest when I was looking to add pins to my only child board. We have an only daughter who is now nine. We never intended to have one, but that was the way it worked out health-wise.
Being the mother of an only brings with it an entirely different set of issues, joys and tiredness!
We once shared with some elders from our church how much we were struggling with our only when she was around three. (Turns out she is gifted and highly sensitive which explains a lot we didn’t understand then.) The response we got from these two older men? “Well, if you had several more children you wouldn’t have time to worry about it.”
So, yes, parents of only children do face their own issues and even types of judgement from others who don’t understand.
While I agree with what I read quickly, I think we also need to be honest about this: while parenting your one child may be more OR less difficult than someone else’s parenting of their two or more children (because each child comes with their own challenges, and some children are “a breeze” to raise…until the next stage hits!), adding another child to the mix does usually get far more challenging. It doesn’t necessarily get twice as difficult, but someone considering a second child should know that some moms aren’t overwhelmed until that second child arrives. They should also know that a new sibling may or may not be a great friend to the first child, and may or may not give mom more free time. I just don’t like hearing moms trying to protect the feelings of a mom to one child without giving then a realistic picture (when necessary). (That didn’t happen above, but I hear it regularly around mom’s of one child that I know.) But definitely, that first child is usually the biggest adjustment, and can be the greatest physical, emotional, psychological, etc challenge you’ll ever raise 🙂 You’re no less of a parent bc you have fewer kids. But you will certainly need to stretch yourself further if you have a second.
Wait, wow really! People really think about this. I had no idea until I spotted this post. My one child is 20 and in college. I was medically blessed to have him. So glad I was oblivious to this situation of judgement. A mom is a mom. The most wonderful job in the world. Be well, stay safe. 🙂
I have also had many friends choose to have only one child and they too experienced comments like this. Such a shame. And You are so right. A mom is a mom regardless and what a joy it is to raise our kids 🙂
Being the Mom of one child, and an adopted one at that, I heard so many demeaning comments. According to some I wasn’t even really a Mother at all. Thank you for this article. Perhaps someone will read it and think twice about what they say, but I doubt it. God gave me one child. He knew it would take everything I had to raise that one.
Thank you for this post. I am a mom of one, but not by choice. I would have LOVED to have been able to give my son a sibling, but infertility kept that from happening. We are blessed to have the one child we have after going through 3 IVF’s, miscarriages and a failed frozen embryo transfer. I cringe when people ask, when are you having another one? As if he isn’t enough… Sometimes I feel guilty complaining to moms of two or more children about a rough day I had with him. But maybe it’s time I stop feeling like that 🙂
As a mom of an only, I really appreciate this as my feelings of ‘not even a mother’ are far to often ;/
I feel so very blessed to have a child. When I was asked if we planned another, I always just told my truth. We tried for 10 years to have a child and if it happens that way again I might be 51 by the time we have another, no thanks. I was 41 when I finally gave birth and we weren’t “trying” at the time we conceived. We didn’t use protection for a couple years after he was born, but I always felt it was one and done for us. There are so many reasons woman have only children! Whether it’s by choice or for medical reasons we don’t love or work any less with our only child.
I have been blessed with 5 children. I honestly had difficulty bonding with my firstborn, even though he was a wonderful baby, slept well, well behaved, pleasant disposition. I had no trouble bonding with my second son, but he was much more spirited and I was often exhausted from trying to be a good mom and feeling like I was failing. Then we miscarried, twice…and people would ask whether we were planning on having any more….it was hard. So, from my own experience, every child is different, each one comes with blessings and challenges. The most important part is that they make us mothers and we love them. Every one of my children is unique and was helped me grow and challenged me differently. I love them all. : )
Thank you so much for this post. I am in a mom’s group where it seems like every single other person has multiple kids and they all have each other for understanding and support. I have been thinking about dropping it altogether. Each time I speak I feel very foolish because I don’t have the same experience, and feel like I can’t really identify. Thanks for the support!
I really needed this. Thank you. :'(
I am a mom of one by choice. I waited for a few years for that urge to have more, but always felt fulfilled with just one. I think sometimes people forget (myself included!) that it’s not a competition – you don’t win or lose or become more valid based on your family size. Two or five kids may be harder in some ways, perhaps not in others. In the end whether it’s harder or not doesn’t really matter — no one is going the podium to get a medal for their trouble. One person’s struggles needn’t be placed on a scale with others to be real and to matter. Everyone needs a kind ear and a shoulder to cry on sometimes, no matter whether they have no kids or 10.
I must say there are a lot of stereotypes about having one child, and I have had many quite nasty things said to me, but never by my peer mothers! Just older folks (my own mother included) who seem to have bigger mouths than hearts.
Mom of 4
I would never say any mom is more of a mom or less of a mom than another. Moms are moms and we all share the joys and heartaches.
I have had 0 children, foster children, then 0 children again, and added 4 kids to the mix over a 5 year span.
Life with 4 kids is more difficult for me than life with 1 was. There is a cost factor that goes into paying for holiday outfits, gifts, birthday parties, school supplies, food etc. Then there is the managing of sibling relationships that takes a great deal of time and energy. With 4 kids there are actually 7 different relationships (child A with B, C, D; child B with C and D; child C and D). That struggle is completely absent with an only child. There is more to do, like more laundry. 4 kids make more laundry than 1. We all do laundry, yes. But it’s OK to acknowledge that some people do more loads per day than others.
In the post you comment that you deal with tantrums, too, as a parent of an only. Yes, but it is different dealing with a tantrum of 1 vs a tantrum of 1 while you have 3 other little people with equally pressing needs. You’ve had to carry one out of church? Great. Try being alone at church with 4 kids and trying to get all 4 out the door due to a tantrum while you only have two hands.
Had a single kid sick at night? Yes, that’s hard. But the challenge is multiplied when there are multiple children. It’s math (and laundry loads, and multiple nights because they don’t always all get sick the same night. It passes around and I’m on edge waiting for the next one to go down.)
Honestly, there is a different family life with 4 kids vs 1 kid and that’s ok. There will be parents of kids who have exceptional needs who have extraordinary workloads with a singleton, too.
I agree with you that nobody is “less than” anybody else. But some of us do have more work at our feet, even though the emotional aspects of parenting are identical.
I am now the mom of three and still fully stand behind every word of this. It’s encouragement to the moms out there that have been told they aren’t really moms because they’re not juggling multiple kids. It’s an absurd notion, but one that many face. No one is saying which is harder or more challenging. The point simply being that we uplift, encourage, and support all moms. And honestly, knowing whether one or 4 is more challenging very dependent on the mom and the kid(s). I struggled with just one, with 2 life seemed fairly normal and easy to handle, and now with three it’s really tough. But that’s my own circumstance and not necessarily someone else’s.
Thank you! My husband works shifts and I work half day. Everyone is hounding me to have another but we can’t afford on financially. We would love another but our days are full and budget is tight. Our precious son -my heart -is a lovely child but exhausting. He is physically demanding and always needs mom to be involved in everything he does. And I try to be involved as he needs that security. He won’t be little forever so I leave the chores to do whilst he is asleep and spend the now with him. Be it painting, reading or outdoors he knows I am there for him. God bless all you single child mom’s. I know the struggle. God bless
THANK YOU!!!You are awesome
I am a first time mom and I cannot count the number of times I was questioned and judged for how I raise my daughter and how they say that I was “lucky” that I only have one child. Reading your blog really uplifted my spirit and made me realize that I am not alone. It seems that those who comment about “how easy having just one kid” forget that the first kid experience is the hardest and most frightening ordeal any mother can ever have. You will not know what to do, how to do it, when to do it and many more. Still, first time moms and single child moms are being looked down like “we should be thankful that we don’t have our hands full.” I hope that others can see us the same way they see those that the label “super-moms” just because they have more than one child to take care of.
Jennifer DeFrates/Heaven Not Harvard
Thank you for this post! I write a faith-based living & parenting blog and feel the weight of those kinds of judgments. I have one daughter, but that doesn’t diminish my experiences as a mom or the lessons I’ve learned as her mom. I don’t know why God only gave us one child, but am grateful for her. I know that parenting her has brought me closer to Him and made me a better person. Being a mom of multiple children is probably harder, more hectic, etc. in many ways, but only having one means I’m always on, there is no letting them entertain each other. Either I’m working or playing with her or she is on her own. There is a hard in that too. And I appreciate your post saying so.
Jennifer DeFrates- thank you. resonated with me greatly.
Thank you for writing this post. Just thank you. I can’t have another child. So I really needed this. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing this. As a mother of an only child, (we wish we could have more) I have felt every one of those things you talked about. I’ve felt like less, like I haven’t truely earned a “mom badge”. The older my daughter gets (she’s 9 now) it’s gotten tougher for me to hear all the comments knowing that she might really be the only child we ever have (though we are sooooo GRATEFUL we have her!!). It’s good hearing another’s perspective and thoughts. Let’s build each other up, no matter our lives circumstances! 😘
Hi! Thanks for this; some great discussions here. I am a very proud Mum-to-one. I coined this term a little while ago when people asked me how many children I have and yes, I was all anxious about what to say as well for a long time. For a bunch of reasons that I never need to explain to anyone as they are only the business of my husband and I, we aren’t having more children and I feel truely blessed to have the son that I do. After many years of not being able to concieve, and then giving up hope, the miracle happened. I have always considered him an ADDITION to my life and I have never taken that for granted. Rather than feeling any kind of void or emptiness, I’m just still so full and happy to have him! I don’t apologise (In a sence) or explain away why there are no more and I try hard not to use the following words: only, just, only-child. I just can’t stand them. These words insinuate that I/we are WITHOUT, but as I said, we aren’t. His life is completely enviable, he does everything, goes everywhere, has great mates and some cousins and 100% of my time when he is not in school – and I love being with him – mindful that will one day end when he gets a bit older, so making the most of it. People in my fam (father, in-laws etc) have long stopped feeling sorry for him/me/us as it’s just a waste of their time. If anyone thinks I’m not Mum enough then that’s their problem, I know I am….. and we are certainly a very whole family of three 🙂 x
Thank you for posting this. I, too, have experienced painful comments about having “only one” child. It took us 5 years to become parents and our son came to us through adoption. So, the fact that having “only one” is not my choice, makes the comments all the more painful to hear. Thanks again for being a voice for me and all the other moms-of-one out there. It really touched my heart to read this. Many blessings to you and your family.
ended up here after googling “struggling with having “only one child””… first it was comments when we didn’t conceive within the ever elusive timeline. and now, now i keep getting asked if i “have only one?” just the other week a woman was aghast to learn the child before her was our first. i respond and say “thus far”. She went on to tell me of some drug Mennonite women take and most are pregnant within a year. It hurts so very much as have longed for multiple children to say that least. I do have this nagging sense that our daughter will be deprived without a sibling. I have to continually surrender this to the Lord. It is a very real ache. It is NOT the platform i ever wanted to have. First it was educating people about conception and now, now that I have conceived and birthed, now i’m the older mom that they don’t know what to do with and it’s seen as a negative and i feel so very alone…
I think having one kid is more stressful than 2 or 3. Why, because with only one kid you’r constantly their source of attention on a daily basis. When you have more than one kid, they keep each other busy all day. Try being a child’s play buddy on a daily basis and let me know how you feel at the end of each day.
Thank you for this! I am a mom of one to a three year old with autism. Our days are consumed with therapy and it’s been quite an emotional ride. His speech is lacking, and i compare it to having an infant for three years- in terms of guessing what they need. I don’t think we’ll have any more children. But what an amazing son I have.
I cried reading this. I honestly feel like I’m one and done, but the pressure and well meaning, yet overall very hurtful, comments have been coming since our daughter was 6 months old, and that was two years ago…
Thank you for your kind words and encouragement
Thank you so much for this.
I see myself in this article. I have one child, and am still waiting for my second one for her debut. I sometimes feel ashamed because all my friends around me are either have at least two or expecting for number 2, which made me feel envy to them and frustrated with the one above. Three years of praying and no answer, make me start asking if I have done anything wrong to get this as punishment.
Compare to the moms around me, I feel ashamed as a mother of one. *sigh*