The 3 minute wait to becoming the three letter word

It was 2011, I had been married for a year, and I was teaching sophomore in my dream job. I had 125 kids that I loved, care for, and called my own. So when I sat in the girls’ bathroom during my planning period waiting the excruciatingly long 3 minutes to see if just a line or a plus sign showed up, my mind was racing. Instead of planning class for the next week, I was planning my life. And in that life-changing 3 minute wait, I would become that treasured three letter word… mom.

Getting pregnant for the first time, I was terrified. Not because I didn’t want to have a baby, but because it was completely new territory. (And little did I know how drastically my life and my viewpoints would change). I was terrified to try to plan my family’s future and scared to make the wrong decisions. Would I teach? Could I teach part time? Would I be a stay at home mom? What would it be like to trade 125 kids for 1? How would I stay intellectually stimulated? Who would my mom friends be? Could we afford for me to stay home? Am I really ready to be a mom? (No. No one ever is I don’t think)  And the questions continued to spiral through my mind.

That evening I sat on the couch waiting for my husband to come home. I swallowed that excited fear that every first time mom secretly has and told him I was pregnant and showed him the little clearblue plus sign on the pregnancy test. He held me and we talked about our future as neither of us knew or understood how a child would change our family. In the following weeks we also hesitantly decided that I would stay home… but that I needed to learn new skills, preferably one he didn’t even know.

Fast forward 2 years and I had a beautiful baby girl, had learned new skills of blogging, publishing, and more, I was enjoying the title of mom, and we were loving our little family. It was February 2014 and I was beginning to long for another child. And we both wanted another baby. We wanted to build our little family.

This time around, the fear of the unknown was replaced with the excitement to re-experience firsts.

The nervousness about not being ready was replaced with the confidence in making important decisions.

The apprehension of giving birth was replaced with excitement to attempt a VBAC and home birth.

And the three minute wait… was well, still the three minute wait. 

Maybe because we were trying, maybe because I wanted it so bad, or maybe because we were tracking temperature, ovulation, etc., but I knew in my heart that another baby was on its way into our life before I even picked up a pregnancy test. This time, I used a Clearblue digital test to confirm how far along I was. Even though I was 99.9% sure when I ovulated, I wanted to know for sure. It was also peace of mind that I could have a fairly accurate due date.

This time, I showed my husband the test and he smiled and shook my hand. He shook my hand!?! It was this strangely awesome validating feeling to know I was being congratulated by my husband at getting pregnant again. It’s a strange moment I treasure and one I continued to ponder while in giving birth; Because the bathroom wall I stared at for three minutes waiting to see pregnant became the same wall I stared at through morning sickness for three months and then again for three hours while I was laboring.

And the next three in my life is hopefully a third beautiful experience waiting to see positive again. And while it’s not yet, this mother’s day I am celebrating the most positive part of my life… my two beautiful girls and their wonderful father.

How did you feel after the 3 minute pregnancy test wait?

I was selected for this opportunity as a member of Clever Girls and the content and opinions expressed here are all my own.