Spirited Parenting Part Two
Tell me, what do you feel when I say love? What do you see when I mention joy? As parents, it’s probably something to do with our children. They are love and joy, aren’t they? Whether it was the day they were born or the feeling you get when you are able to embrace them, they embody so much of what those words and feelings mean to us. But take your children out of the equation for a second. Now what? In an air-brushed, desensitized, and overly-saturated world, do we know what true joy is in our search for perfect happiness? Are we too wrapped up in the material world to invest in the sacred moments? I believe in the digital age where we socialize through the internet and isolate ourselves behind screens, we are desperately trying to connect. We are longing for joy, love, and acceptance ourselves.
Now, put your children back into this picture. Many would say it’s not hard to find joy and love in a child because it comes so naturally in the purity of their souls. So maybe, just maybe, they can teach us something about being spirited parents just by the way they look at the world. Say your child approaches you and says they love you so much and they have gift for you in their pocket. The next thing you know you look down to see a child that is overjoyed to present you with a rock. How do you respond?
“It’s a rock.”
“No, mama, I gave you part of a mountain!”
Maybe they can help us see the world in a different lens that allows us to understand that both love and joy surpass what lies on the surface – that the mundane is truly extraordinary and a rock is truly part of a mountain. Sharing in excitement leads to both a spirited parents and a spirited child while being unimpressed tends to shatter joy.
Both joy and love are not fleeting feelings, but deeply concerted choices that we make daily for an eternity. They tend to define who we are. As a friend put it, love and joy mean “knowing that even when the world seems dark and low, I will not be overcome.” Not overcome by grief, depression, feelings of inadequacy or loneliness, or illusions of perfection. There is character and spirit in refusing to be overcome. It’s a choice to be stronger than your temporary feelings and submit to idea that the moment will pass.
So while our children teach us to view joy and love through different lenses, we teach them to be mindful of what is enduring rather than focusing on transient feelings. We can do this through continual affirmation and in sharing our own shortcomings. We have all failed and we will all continue to fail because we are human.
As a wife and as a mother I fail at love all the time. I fail to tap into the joy I know I should have, because of what I think I could have. I expect too much. I push too far. I am never satisfied. I say too much. I am selfish.
My expectations, words, and selfishness have never brought me joy, nor have they ever created an environment of love. As I sit here in self-reflection, I am holding back tears because I know this is not the way I want to raise my children. I know that I can be better. I want to raise them to know who they are truly is enough. What they enjoy is meaningful. And what they want to share with me is important. Because in the end, that is love; that is joy. Seeing my child squeal in excitement because I shared my food surpasses any fleeting satisfaction eating it myself could have ever brought me, just like learning to not nag about a clean house brings far more love in my marriage than when I constantly complain.
I am learning that the more I focus on correcting my own short-comings, the more my child expresses love and joy in return. We really do get in return what we give out… so where are you in your walk? Have your found the place where you are content with the life God has given you that you can embrace an unshakable joy that radiates to your children?
Kara is an author and advocate for positive, grace-filled parenting. She is homeschooler to her 4 children living in Boston, MA and believes in creative educational approaches to help kids dive deeper into a rich learning experience. She has her degree in Secondary Education & Adolescent Childhood Development and is passionate about connecting with and helping other parents on their journey to raise awesome kids!
Varya @ CWOV
Spirited children are mostly so creative and have a very rich imagination. My spirited preschooler is one like that. She just makes up things as she goes. She pretends a rock is a treasure she found, a shell carries part of the sea inside and helps communicate with sea creatures… Just amazing! Thank you for sharing
Bekka Joy
Thanks for sharing another great post.
Katie @ Preschool Inspirations
I just love this!! The part about joy really hit home. We have so many THINGS. It’s easy to fill voids with those instead of finding joy in one another. I look forward to more of your series. Thanks for the warm welcome on KBN.
KaraCarrero
Thank you so much! I have two more coming soon 🙂 And definitely so glad to have you at KBN! It is a fantastic group!
Tara
What a wonderful post! I can, unfortunately, relate to pushing too hard, expecting too much, never being satisfied. Thank you for the advice to fix these in myself to see the love and joy in my children. I want them to know how truly loved and accepted they are for WHO they are – not who I want them to be.
Thank you for linking up at the Heart for Home blog hop.
Kara Carrero
Thank you! It’s definitely a daily task for me to not get discouraged about something; I think it’s the perfectionist in me. Even though I know my child will grow up in the perfect manner for who she is, it’s so hard sometimes!