I was never taught to be a good wife. In fact, I am pretty lousy at being a good wife. While each day I strive to be a Proverbs 31 kind of woman, that’s just such a difficult task for me. You know, getting up before the sun and making my own clothes sounds all fine and dandy but it also sounds like a crazy woman. Today’s society forces perfection, but demands immediacy. The idea that Rome wasn’t built in a day can be applied to us as well and I just want to encourage you to be diligent in your efforts to be better each day as I am needing to focus on betterment as well. While these are my confessions of being a lousy wife, they are also reminders that I have to be diligent in molding myself to be better to myself and to my husband.
Now before you, or my mom, bash me for this post, I have to say I have had awesome “wife” role models in my life. My grandparents have shared over 65 years of marriage together and my parents are going strong at almost 34. But, regardless of anything that my family, friends, or the Bible has ever shown me, I have just never been taught how to truly be a good wife or that every day is a building block. 65 years has a lot of bricks; some are good and some are bad, but they all build something beautiful.
Being a Good Wife – What I was Never Taught
- No one told me that I could communicate with my husband and we could be saying the exact same thing and still not understand each other. We are two different people with two different learning styles and styles of communicating. Our worst fights are the ones where we are in agreement and don’t even realize it.
- I nitpick and I never realized that over time that can really break a person down, especially a man. It can kill their spirits and form a barrier in any relationship.
- The hard days build the most character and the emotionally exhausting fights change your marriage the most.
- Respecting a man enough to take the lead is also respecting his final decision. Even if we work through things together or if I get input, his decision is what’s most important.
- It’s not about winning or losing, but about reaching common ground that benefits the whole family.
- The big things don’t matter as much as the little things. The little things are what grind our gears daily and wear us down the most. It’s a lot easier to make a big decision together than to get your spouse to change a small pet-peeve habit. (For instance, I hate folding clothes, but the best thing I could ever do for my husband is to ensure he has underwear and an undershirt each day and somehow that’s still difficult for me).
- Growth is hard.
Confessions of Not Being a Good Wife
To be real and authentic with you, I have to confess my shortcomings. Being a good wife was never an easy task and I of all people fail at it everyday.
- I struggle with every single thing I listed above about what I was not taught about being a good wife.
- I can’t keep my mouth shut and I am argumentative.
- I defensive easily.
- I have never truly excelled with a sewing machine and I hate buttons. SO I have definitely not fixed many wardrobe malfunctions.
- I definitely enjoy my sleep and sometimes sleep too much, but I am always still tired.
- I cook and bake, but on my own time frame and definitely not with finesse.
- I definitely do not face every single day with a smile.
- I waste my time.
- I get upset too easily.
- I shut down emotionally.
- I don’t use my words to communicate my feelings.
- I trivialize serious situations.
- I bring up past wrong-doings.
- I hate being wrong.
- I am selfish.
While I am far from being a expert at marriage, I definitely am an expert in upsetting my husband. I know every button to push and when to push it. In the long run, I know that it’s not sustainable to do for 72 years, but I do it anyway. Being a good wife is not an easy task and I urge every woman to have accountability in friends. I have 3 wonderful God-fearing friends that ensure I stay in the Word and that I am diligent in bettering myself and my marriage. They allow me to confess my sins and shortcomings and encourage me daily. Brick-by-brick we are building that house of 72 years. Some days feel very hollow and some unwavering, but I pray that in the end the foundation in Christ is what keeps us going.
For more on my journey on learning how to be a good wife and mother, please visit my Faith tag and read my series on Spirited Parents Raising Spirited Kids.
Kara is an author, wife, and mother of 3 children living in Boston, MA. She has her degree in Secondary Education & Adolescent Childhood Development and is passionate about connecting with and even helping other parents on their journey to raise awesome kids!