I hear her make sweet coos at 7-month-old Rhett and race to his rescue at any cry. I see her look at the world with wonder and awe. I can feel her warmth when she comforts Emma in times of frustration or pain. And I sense her curiosity for everything from cooking to collecting bugs.
“Oh no! What have I done?” I ask myself as I dread that she will head into a kindergarten classroom with 16 other kiddos in just a month. “I can’t let you go.”
I have said it over and over, quietly sobbing to myself over the last few days.
She has a sweet spirit, but a strong vivacious attitude that could trample hearts and bust through bricks. For months I’ve been chanting a tune of “I can’t wait for September!” Sending her to school instead of homeschooling kindergarten was partly an effort to regain my sanity and lessen the plate full of priorities I’m choking on every day.
But as time creeps up on me and that first day is closer and closer, I continue to question.
For the last five years, I have spent virtually no time away from you. I have watched you grow. Listened to you sing. And experienced awe and wonder right along side you.
You’re my helper.
While you, sweet child, have my authority and challenged my sanity, I’m not sure what my days will look like without you. Have I taught you well enough to handle scoffing peers or the empty feeling you’ll face the first time you fail?
Have we adequately helped you understand consequences or prepared you with social skills to not just make friends, but be a friend to the friendless?
I will miss you.
I will miss the days of sleeping in, having afternoon bath time, and playing outside all day. Of course, the weekends will be a treasure to experience our old normal. But this newness, this adventure of starting kindergarten has me wondering if you should go.
But today I pray that you will thrive. That you will learn. And that you will make your class a little kinder.
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